The latest battle and hopefully the last. Is drug addiction. I have been fortunate in my experiences, to only become addicted to two chemicals in my life. The first was caffeine, and the second was nicotine. I quite the latter after I saw how it mercilessly ravaged my mother. The former held the possibility of causing more pain than the pleasure it offered was worth. So, I quit that one also.
But a more sinister monster lurked on my event-horizon. For the last three years I have been taking hallucinogenic levels of morphine, and eight 500mg tabs of vicodin daily.
I was not a drug experimenter in my rebellious youth. I was more into whole scale research. I warn those who are new to this story, Start at the bottom of my blog before you continue with this particular post...
I stand as living proof of God's grace and unconditional love and forgiveness. I was a rebel without a pause. Smart mouthed, ear pierced, dare-devil, swaggering brawler, trouble maker, carouser, hedonistic, intellectual, rule-breaker, opinionated. They were all applicable to me. And those were my good traits. When I think of all the things I have survived in my life, and there have been many, I used to credit myself as being smart enough to know when to fight harder or run away. But now, I realize that neither myself nor luck had anything to do with it. I don't do luck. The toss of the coin, or the roll of the dice, are determined by probability. Not chance. An Akum's Razor approach and simple logic details make chance or luck an impossibility.
God provided my protection is the simplest explanation, and it's the only explanation that makes sense logically.
So now I am involved in a new battle. A battle that I cannot win on my own. 4 weeks ago, I stopped taking vicodin. No cravings, no physical reactions. Nada. And today marks three days with no morphine. Some people ride the dragon once, and spend the rest of their lives train spotting. I have been taking prescription morphine and vicodin, 2 of the most recognized addictive substances known to medicine, and blammo! Color me clean...
I did not, could not, do this on my own. I sent out a prayer request to my biker pals, friends and loved ones. And then I asked God, the everlasting Creator of the universe to help me. And today, for the first time in forever, I am clean and sober.
Hopefully you can learn from my experience and not need to travel my road. Your results may vary.
15 comments:
You are an inspiration to so many...whether you want to be or not! You should be so proud of yourself, kicking that stuff and still coming through like the hero that you are!! I love to read your stories, you make me smile and cry all at the same time!! Your family and friends are so fortunate to have you be apart of their lives...really, I think your awesome!
Now get off your computer go and enjoy this Labour Day weekend!! xOxO Hugs, Nerina :)
You have an incredible amount of strength & determination. I pray that you will continue to be on the clean & sober path. I don't have any personal experience with addiction, however, I grew up in the home with an alcohol & drug addict mother so I know the toll it can take not only on the addict, but on those around him/her.
"But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith." 1 Timothy 6:11, 12
Kurt,
We are all praying for God to keep giving you strength to stay on the right course.
Have a great Holiday Weekend!
Steve
I have never been addicted to any drugs. I dabbled in HS but quit as soon as I realized that I really liked it. I didn't want to get addicted.
I totally understand what you mean here about this being God's power. That is how I quit smoking. I didn't quit, God quit for me. I posted about it a while back if you're interested.
Part 1
Part 2
God is Awesome! So glad you took the step and that you have so many praying friends. I have lifted you up as well.
<°)}}}><
Thanks! :)
Oh, I'm not exactly a Texan. I'm a California Valley Girl. My family is from TX and I moved her about 15 years ago. I miss the beach, mountains, and Disneyland.
But you can call me a Texan. It woulda made my daddy proud. :)
here... I moved "here".
Edie,
A valley girl? "Oh my gawd! No way, fer shhuure. Totally! Dude. Didn't I see you, like, in the Galleria?"
I can't picture it. No way dear. But your secret is safe with me. Not only your daddy is proud of you. Count me in as well.
Thanks also to Steve, KC & Narina. You are an encouragement.
<°)}}}><
You are an inspiration.
Although I haven't had morphine (outside of a hospital), the vicoden sometimes seems to be the only way I can move. When at its worse, there is percocet but I avoid that almost completely as I can't function well on it. (about once a year) The vicoden is dangerous I know. I remember when one half of a 500 mg pill did the job....no more.
ADHD,
Your relief is laid before the throne, in my prayers.
Ok so like, I wasn't like one of those valley girls! As if! Like, I lived in the Valley, like ya know? Yes thee Valley. So like, does that make me a Valley girl by default? So like that would make me way cool!
LOL!
Edie-Totally!
Kurt,
Each step of your recovery from beginning to end has been an amazing testament to how far will one person go before it becomes too much to bear? You are a living example that through faith in God and loving friends and family, man can do the possible with God by your side doing the impossible. Together you have been able to accomplish much.
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
That is amazing that you have been able to do this! I have lived with addiction in my home and it is never easy...there are slips and there are slides. But with support from those that love you it can be beaten. Good for you and I am thinking only good, supportive thoughts for you.
Praising God for your victory over addiction!
I came over from Kat's blog to meet you, after reading her interview with you. I have been reading some of your posts, and this one caught my eye. I am so happy that you are no longer in bondage to those drugs.
Blessings to you...
Beth E.
You are inspiring.
Post a Comment