Just another day in paradise..

Here in SoCal (Southern California) the weather has been just grand for the past few weeks. And particularly nice yesterday. It was 78°, with a light breeze out of the east. The sky was tall and blue. Not Carolina Blue. But The Carolinas didn't see much blue yesterday anyway. So in light of the beautiful day The Lord had made for me, I went out on the front porch to soak up some much needed vitamin D.  Yes, my house in the Gay People's Republic of California, has a genuine old fashion front porch, with a rail and a roof. My house is at the top of a hill that overlooks the small town I now call home. I have great neighbors. Wonderful people who mind their business and let me mind mine. We help each other when there is need. And we gather on the sidewalk to debate the issues of the day.
Well there I was. Sitting on the porch. Head tilted slightly toward the sun, eyes closed, hearing the birds chirping, without listening to them. Drifting into that place I go when all is right with my mind. It's a dark, warm, safe place. You wouldn't like it. Nobody who has ever visited my special place has liked it. That's OK! I don't like company in there anyway. There be monsters in thar! Little gray squirrels, juggling meat cleavers. Shiny meat cleavers. Sharp, shiny meat cleavers. Black handled, sharp, shiny meat cleavers. Icy cold, black handled, sharp, shiny...
"Hey! How's it going Dude?"
Okay I watch squirrels juggle in my mind. But they don't talk. Especially to me. So I opened my eyes and before me stands a man. Approximately 30 years old and 20 pounds over the ideal weight for his average height. His name is Gary. He made his millions as an employee at Qualcomm back in the late nineties. And now he's retired and collects and restores 60s and 70s muscle cars. He lives a few doors down the street from me. And now he's standing on my porch. And he's waiting for and answer to his question. Normally I'd say something folksy like "Finer than Frog's hair." or "Smoother Than Turtle Fur." But I was still watching the cleavers hit the deck and I shot back my standard response to such an inquiry:
"Just another day in paradise. What can I do for you?"
Gary is one of those rare individuals. Born, raised, educated, employed and now retired in San Diego. Intelligent. But in a school book kind of way. He considers himself well traveled because he goes to Baja on fishing trips. Despite the fact that his chartered boat leaves and returns from a marina in San Diego, and never goes into port in Mexico.
"I was watching an old movie last night and I had a question about it." Great! Here comes the Old Guy Jokes!
"What do you want to know, Gary?" I was setting up the gag and playing the straight man to his routine.
"Well, I was watching 'Deliverance' and I wanted to know a little bit about what was going on in that movie. I know you're from the South, so I was wondering if you could tell me what those 'Redneck Hillbillies' were doing with those city boys?"
"Really?" I asked. "You're a grown, educated, modern man and you never saw people do that before?"
":Well not really!" he smirked.
This kid was asking for it. And he came to the right place to get it. I have been in fist fight on every continent on this planet. This youngster's farthest venture away from his home was a few trips to Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm. And I'm the hick!!!
"Are you positive you don't know what they were doing?" I didn't want to educate this child if I didn't have to. I cocked my head to one side like a puppy, and glared at him. If looks could kill he'd be grabbing his crotch and rolling on the floor.
"Not a clue." was his remark.
So I told him straight out. Like yanking a band-aid off to get it over with fast.
"They were playing a banjo."
Have a Great Valentine's Day,Y'all!!!
_____________________________________