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AMERICA
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Sunday, April 25, 2010

ON THE LIGHTER SIDE...

A burglar broke into a house one night. He used a flashlight to find his way to the China Cupboard. As he started to load the silverware into his bag, a voice in the darkness spoke to him.
It said "Jesus is watching you."
"Who said that?" he said in reply.
The voice said, "My name is Moses."
The thief wheeled around and spotted the source of the voice with his flashlight. Centered in the beam was a huge parrot. The bad guy chuckled to himself and asked "What kind of people would name a parrot Moses?"
The parrot replied "the same kind of people who would name a Rottweiler JESUS."


A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though."

Have a good week.

7 comments:

Ms. Anthropy said...

Good ones!

My ADHD Me said...

HAHA! I am so glad that I stopped by. The first one made me chuckle but the 2nd one made me literally laugh out loud.

Have a terrific evening!

2Thinks said...

You should so take it on the road- stand up comedy. I'll pay for a ticket if you bring the show to Michigan.

Marnie said...

:0)))))))))))))))))))))))))))). The second one had me laughing so hard, my cheeks now hurt! I needed the laugh. Thanks!

UBERMOUTH said...

Loved those jokes. Thanks!

red.neck chic said...

ROFLMBO!!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh - I love the cowboy one!!!

Oh wow - I needed that this afternoon! Thanks for the giggles!!!

;-) robelyn

Kelly Combs said...

My sister & I like the same kind of jokes obviously. HAHA!